Loveless Rationale

I met a girl once.

She wasn't one of those typical girls. She was the ones that you would find yourself ocassionally glancing over in her direction, even when you didn't mean to. The ones that will push you away, because of the comfortable unfamiliar feelings you feel around her, but always made you come around because being closer meant more than being proud, or being unapologetically stubborn.

I would confide a secret in myself that this is some triteful little thing, but I knew I wasn't telling myself the whole truth, only because I didn't know what I was looking for. And as natural as things came, they left with the same manner. I stopped looking, I stopped believing, and I stopped feeling. I thought that was a simple answer to a multi-layered question. I knew she would be around, but I believed that this kind of demeanor would serve both of us a better purpose. That's what I used to believe back then, anyways. As things started to change, and as time progressed forth, this fragile eggshell belief didn't hold stable to the changing circumstances. Why was I wrong? I was wrong because I tried to falsely rationalize myself into accepting in a delusion that was easy to believe. It would have been easy to just believe that things are as they are because some outside force made it so, but it's nothing to accept the conventional way of thinking.

I am no discoverer, I am no conqueror, I am no explorer, and I am no thinker. I am just complex as I make myself to be and to be as simple as such. What has been felt and experienced again and again was unexplainable, even to myself.

That was a share of thoughts I had recently and it goes without saying that it reflects on some aspects of my life. What has been written might not make sense but it's what I could salvage from my memory of my analysis of my past hopes and dreams, call it what you may. It's funny really. I make a big talk about this but in the end, what has been accomplished? Who knows. I certainly don't.

There's no dignified way of being apathetic or being stubborn, so let's go forth together. It's time for this sail to seek new wind, and to discover what lies beyond this cove of everything beautiful.

I'll be where I always have been.